unbroken. undefeated. unstoppable.

It's a funny thing, feeling bad for yourself.
Sometimes it even takes a couple of people to make you realize that you're doing it.
thankfully, some people called me out on my crap lately.
I've been realizing that the more I fall away from people and I make mistakes, I blame others.
I say 'if they really loved me...' or 'they should just understand...'
and  I throw a little 'ol pity party.
the whole 'nobody understands me act...'
well, that's bullcrap.
In life, yes, things won't be easy. In fact, they'll be pretty darn hard.
but guess what?
that's life.
feeling bad for yourself and falling farther and farther away does no good for you or anyone else.
if you want change, be it.
take initiative. talk to people. make something happen.
don't complain and feel sorry for yourself.
I know, I know. easier said then done.
but it's the truth, whether you like it or not.
When we overcome our self-pity is when we see truly how far we can go.
how far we can be stretched.
we find out what makes us unstoppable.
I want to be stretched to my limits.
I want to go where I have never gone before.
I want to be undefeated.
and to be that, I must stop feeling bad for myself.
Pitying myself because I have pushed others away.
I'm tired of pushing. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of feeling tired.
I want to start something. start a spark that lights the world on fire.
I want to be a part of something great.
And I'm not waiting for the opportunity to just come by. waiting for it just happen.
I'm asking god to make it happen.
and to give me the strength that it takes to be undefeated and unstoppable.

*sorry, but today's blog is very...to the point? it seems very harsh, but to be honest, I need that sometimes.

i don't even know the real me anymore.

This week is about starting over, completely. It's about ridding yourself of the past and focusing on the future. To symbolize this new start, what better way than to start a new blog? (plus, bloggster won't let me post anymore on the other one.) For a long time, I let my past affect how I see myself today. I let it take over certain aspects of my life. But I know that when I ask for forgiveness, God washes out my past, my sins, and anything else. That's why yesterday, to kind of get closure from the past, I wrote out my testimony. A testimony is kind of like a biography. I knew that writing it would bring up a lot of feelings from my past, but I knew that if I didn't, the past would continue to keep bothering me. After writing it out, all 2 pages (:, I felt like this huge weight was lifted off my chest. Even if no one ever saw it, it was okay. A lot of those feelings came back, but I was able to fight them off because I know now that God is with me. All the way. Through thick and thin. And he's got my back (: